No Walking and Chewing Gum

January 9, 2011 at 1:12 am (Baby on the Brain, Randomness) (, , )

I am not a multitasker. I do not possess the skills required to do more than one thing at a time. That does not serve me well when I’m on the computer, on the phone, or driving. My girlfriend knows that I can’t listen to her if I’m working on a project (but she still talks to me anyway). She multitasks with the best of them, so she acknowledges my one-thing-at-a-timeness, but is unable to truly get it.

I can’t even listen to music if I’m trying to read or fill out paperwork. Some people need music or tv to fall asleep, I can only go to sleep if there’s no noise. Hence my need for earplugs (well, my girlfriend snores, too, but that’s another blog post).

This inability makes me worry about when we have kids. I’m never going to be able to get anything done if I have to finish one task before I can start another. At best, I’ll start a whole lot of stuff, get distracted, move onto a whole lot of other stuff, and have a half diapered child waiting to be fed while I’m in another room trying to pay bills or cleaning the microwave.

Another thing that worries me about this potential child? I stress out easily. To compensate I usually need a day all to myself to decompress. Like today–I cleaned the house, did the laundry, did some really anal-retentive things with my contacts list in my Outlook (I accidentally erased all of my contacts a couple of days ago. Talk about stress), and didn’t talk to anyone. All in all, I had a very good day. But I figure I’m not going to get a whole lot of these kinds of days when we have offspring. I don’t know how my mother did it. I mean, she’s one of the most independent, I-like-being-by-myself people I know. Does being a parent make you less selfish? I certainly hope it does for me.

I had a point to this post but I was sidetracked by watering my plants. Then I tripped on the way to the sink and had to clean up the water off the floor. Which led to getting out the mop. And now I’m too tired to do anything but stare at the words I’ve just typed.

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We’re 5 Days In…

January 5, 2011 at 11:01 pm (Baby on the Brain, TGF, Weekend Update) (, , , , , )

2011 so far has been full of changes. But to recap the last week we must go back…to 2010!

I submitted all my paperwork for my new health insurance, that was a pain in the ass. Did I mention that not only does my mother still have a fax machine but she has a scanner, too? Amazing. So after 2 attempts at faxing my application to my insurance person (the faxes weren’t coming out because the font they use for the application is like 8pt. Totally ridiculous) I had to scan the application pages to pdf and send them over via email. Which also took 2 attempts, because scanning them at 300 dpi made the file HUGE. Sigh. Live and learn. I’m learning nothing that takes place in my mother’s house happens quickly, nor does it happen as you wish it would. Every time we attempted to leave the house we were no less than 20 minutes late. We overslept. We had to feed the nephew. We had to wait for someone. We forgot to pack something. Just getting out of the house was a miracle.

December 30th I went to the airport to pick up my partner from the airport. After getting lost, twice, in the stupid airport parking lot (they’ve been remodeling for years and finally finished. And then they moved Southwest out of Terminal A to Terminal B. Or something like that. So I was very confused when I was directed into the “wrong” parking lot) I actually went into the terminal to wait for her plane to arrive. I’ve never been so happy to see somebody! And then I begged her to agree to getting a hotel room for New Year’s Eve because there’s only so much family I can take and I was over my limit. Luckily, she agreed and we got a fabulous little hotel room a few miles from my parents’ house.

New Year’s day was never ending food. I think I was shoveling food into my mouth from 2pm til around 10pm. My waistline increased dramatically the week I was home. I have no willpower, and my mother has a full pantry.

We decided to come home a day early so that we would have a day to relax before returning to the grind of everyday living. My brother told us that the grapevine (that part of I5 that goes through the mountains that separate Los Angeles from the Central Valley) was closed due to snow and we’d better take Highway 101. That drive is at least an hour longer than I5. Oh well. My girlfriend and I talked most of the way home about things we need to get done in the next few months, my lack of insurance and how that affects our baby timeline, and we finally had some serious discussion about babymaking. So far, I’ve done most of the research into the various sperm banks and their donor lists (still only have 1 or 2 choices if we’re really going for someone who’s Taiwanese or Japanese), as well as what steps need to be taken before I even come in contact with those little swimmers. First and foremost, I’m back on my diet. Then there’s finding another OB/GYN because my old one will be out of network if I do get accepted by Blue Cross. There’s much paperwork to be filled out and we will have to legally become domestic partners. With a pre-nup. We have to start the adoption process or at least find out how and where to start so that the baby can be on her insurance.

Oh, and then there’s the baby’s last name. I want our child to have both our last names. But do we hyphenate? I’ve got a rather long last name (9 letters) and her’s is shorter (4 letters). A 13 letter last name seems cruel if our child has a first name that’s more than 1 syllable and a Japanese middle name. So do we somehow shorten our names into one name? We came up with some seriously awful ones that made us laugh. Then we decided that our child, while he or she will be a source of amusement, joy, and laughter, doing something like naming him or her purely for our own entertainment is just not right. Ok, back to the drawing board. I’m sure we’ll have much more discussion about names in the future.

It is here that I must point out that in our less than 6 hour drive, my girlfriend had to pee 3 times. 30 minutes into our drive she was asking to find a place to stop for a potty break. Overactive kidneys she has, I’m sure of it. Nobody should have to pee every 20 minutes. I fully expect to eat these words when I have a baby’s knee in my bladder…

We made it home safe and sound with Christmas presents that we were not expecting now sitting on a bookshelf, waiting to be used and/or put away. There are chores to be done, my house was not clean and tidy when the new year came around and I’m convinced that I’ve cursed myself into this chaos for the rest of the year. My girlfriend offered to hire someone to come in and help clean, but I’m not sure I want anyone in my house, seeing the utter destruction that is our living room.  Again, I will probably rethink what I just said when I’m 7 months pregnant, can’t see my feet, and I’m trying to clean the toilet.

I wonder if it’s bad juju to talk about being pregnant? I mean I’ve not even started the whole process. Maybe I’m jinxing myself? Maybe I should just end this here and get some sleep. I’ve another post to write, though I expect I won’t get to that til later this week.

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My Ideal Child

November 19, 2010 at 9:15 pm (Baby on the Brain, Navel Gazing, TGF, Uncategorized) (, , , , )

This is not a wishlist. At least I don’t think of it that way. It’s more of an “I Hope That…” list for the child who is still pretty much a twinkle in his/her mothers’ eyes.

Yesterday during lunch my girlfriend and I were talking general timelines of when we thought we might start trying this whole insemination thing. Not that we’ve chosen a donor. Or even set up an initial consultation. I suppose those things will happen after the 1st of the year. It’s looking like it’s full steam ahead in the first quarter of 2011, though. Slightly queasy at the thought but excited, too. I don’t know whether I’d like a girl or a boy. Ideally, we’d have one of each but for now we’re concentrating on the “having the baby” part. I do think there are some character traits I’d like for our child to have, regardless of gender.

I’d love our child to be outgoing, not introverted to the point of a social disorder, like me. I’d like it if she learned to be open and empathetic like her other mother as well as somehow inherit my girlfriend’s work ethic and drive. I want her to speak 3 languages (English, Mandarin & Spanish) and be able to converse with her grandmother.

I don’t want our kids to have the same hang ups that my girlfriend and I do about weight and food. I want them to be healthy, active, and look to us for comfort, not chocolate or french fries. I’ve no idea how to accomplish this since I still go for the ice cream or any type of junk food when I’m sad, but that’s something I’ll work to get past.

I’m going to try not to be so opinionated, too. I know I’m judgmental and I’m sort of a prick about it but I don’t want our kids to think they can’t talk to me or that I’ll be closed-minded if they want to be, oh, I don’t know, straight or something. Ugh, I knew I should’ve started therapy a long time ago.

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Nature vs Nurture

November 5, 2010 at 6:00 pm (Navel Gazing, Randomness) (, , , , )

Well, not precisely. But I was thinking today of a conversation I had with a friend I’ve known for over 30 years. Who hits me every time I mention just how long we’ve known each other. Who says she never thought I was a lesbian, really, but what did we know growing up? I dated boys, dressed like everyone else–pegged jeans, sloppy sweatshirts, keds, the occasional dress–it was the late 80’s-early 90’s. Fashion was weird. Anyway, back to the conversation I had with KG. I mentioned that I never thought it was odd that I found girls attractive. I also didn’t think it was odd that I had no interest in boys, although I guess I must have thought it odd enough that I pretended to have a crush on some guy in 7th grade. KG laughed at me. Really, she did. She said that she, as a completely straight girl, could objectively find another girl pretty but would not be attracted to her. She and I are on completely different ends of the Kinsey scale. It was interesting to talk to someone who’s never in her life thought about another woman the way she thinks about her boyfriends. I, after much dawdling in my teens, now find it utterly insane to think of having any sort of intimate, sexual relationship with a guy.

It’s nice to know that someone I’ve known most of my life is totally ok with me being me. No, I’m not the same person who left our hometown almost 20 years ago, but we share a history and an upbringing that negates any differences that we might have now. We’ve both pointed out that we had an idyllic environment in which to grow up. We attended a very small, private elementary school where we were encouraged to be individuals. We were blissfully unaware of the horrors of life outside of our “golden ghetto”, as one of my English teachers described it in high school, our biggest concerns were academics, school dances, and whether or not our parents would let us have cars when we turned 16. She was a cheerleader, I was a choir geek. There was no valedictorian at graduation because 1/2 the graduating class had over a 4.0 gpa. Nobody brought weapons to school. Yes, there were bullies. Yes, some people were singled out because of their perceived sexuality. But you’d have to ask them about their experiences, because I can’t speak for them. I was an ignorant, happy teenager during those years.

I do remember getting a phone call one afternoon–a girl who said, “I’ve heard you were bi and looking for a girlfriend?” I said that I was neither and she hung up. Did it weird me out? Not really. Did it unlock any doors in my psyche? No, not really. I didn’t know I was queer til after I left high school. But I think I’ve always been ok with it. I didn’t tell anyone for a while, but I never thought it was horribly wrong of me, nor did I ever feel I was somehow unworthy of my family’s love, or the love of my friends. I think I’m pretty lucky in that respect. Hell, I think my family knew before I did!

Somewhere in my mind, I’ve got this idea that I want our children to have the security and safety of the world in which I grew up. I’m not sure how we can give that to them, other than raise them with the same love and guidance that we received from our parents (minus the guilt and passive/aggressive tendencies, thankyouverymuch). I worry about the same things over and over, things that are not in my control, when I’ve always been the type to stay in the moment. My girlfriend’s probably rubbing off on me. She plans 5 years ahead. I can’t think of what I’m doing tomorrow. Or what’s for dinner tonight. But how much control do you really have over what your child learns when you’re not around? I’m seriously going to want to keep our kids with us until they turn 30.

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I Hope I’m Not The Kind Of Parent

October 24, 2010 at 9:40 pm (Randomness) (, , , )

Who has to do everything for their child. Sure, I want to make sure that our child is well cared for and that he or she doesn’t have too many hardships. But I know that I’m spoiled and that I will probably spoil our child, too. That said, here’s where I draw the line:  I will make sure that our child knows how to clean–vacuum, scrub a toilet, dust, etc.–and how to do their own laundry. Oh, and iron. Making our child self sufficient is important to me, since I get the feeling that some kids, once they’re on their own, have no idea how to approach the ‘simple’ things that I learned growing up. Our children are going to have chores. Dishes, garbage, cleaning, in addition to things like keeping their own rooms clean and doing their homework and eating their vegetables.

Hell, I might even teach them how to sew. At least how to replace a button or stitch a patch on something.

Unless our children grow up to be independently wealthy, they’re not going to have housekeepers or other people who will do these things for them. I plan to give them plenty of lessons about how to be neat and clean. And if they choose to then live in filth, I’ll just have to lament about another thing at which I’ve failed my children.

Oh, and there’s a HUGE difference between being clean and being neat. Clean means yes, you can go into my bathroom and not question my own personal hygiene. I’m not neat by any stretch of the imagination. Piles of stuff are cluttered about our home, waiting to be sorted and put away. But I vacuum every week. I do the dishes daily. I clean the bathroom. A lot.

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