Anti-Social Behavior

March 22, 2011 at 11:02 pm (Baby on the Brain, TGF)

I should not be left home alone. If left home alone, my usual MO is to sit in total silence for hours at a time. Since my parents left on Sunday afternoon, I’ve not spoken to anyone. I went downstairs to do some work yesterday but today I avoided everyone and holed up in the apartment until it was time to go to rehearsal. Didn’t even answer the phone, though I knew the guy calling me was outside. I could hear him as he left a message. Wonder if he heard the phone ringing in my room. Very thin walls and single pane windows, you know.

I’m not a social person by nature. I like to stay home, I don’t like to talk on the phone, I rarely go to new places by myself. Have I always been this way? I don’t remember. What was I like when I was single? I don’t remember that, either. So if I was single now, I’m not sure if this is how I’d really be or if I feel like I’ve nothing to do since my girlfriend isn’t here. Whatever. She’ll be back in 2 weeks. That’s a very, very long time from now. And I haven’t spoken to her since she left Saturday night. She’s extremely busy with a conference in DC and hasn’t had time to do anything but work since she’s been there, I know, but it’s weird not speaking to her for this long.

Oh, PMS, how I hate you. Lonely, bloated, I was eating everything in sight until yesterday. Today I’ve been hungry all day and kind of just…sad. And then I get sadder when I realize I don’t really DO anything when my girlfriend isn’t around. Yay, pity party!

Anyway, to add to the sad, today I read this blog for hours. I probably shouldn’t when I’m totally PMSing but I couldn’t help it. So then I cried for these people and how hard it’s been for them. And then it made me think, do I really want to go through something like that to have a child? And at rehearsal tonight we were talking about traveling in 2012, to 2 conferences. What if we have a child – are we going to be able to travel? Will we want to travel? Would I still be singing with this group if we have to care for a kid? I know I can’t commit to any sort of thing that requires a non-refundable monetary deposit. But I’m not ready to tell people why I’m hesitant about planning something that’s 15 months away…

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