Personal Evolution

February 24, 2011 at 10:16 pm (Baby on the Brain)

My thoughts on getting pregnant seem to be changing. No, that doesn’t mean I no longer want to have a child. It means that the getting pregnant part is…evolving. ┬áBack when we had health insurance for the both of us, my girlfriend and I were all for signing up with our local cryobank, picking an anonymous donor from their list, and *poof*, there’s a baby in my belly. Ok, I realize I’m probably oversimplifying the insemination part here, only because if I dwell on it I’ll freak out and, hey, gross myself out, too.

So back to this pregnancy thing. Without health insurance (even though our policy didn’t cover fertility issues), the expense of having a baby via artificial insemination is astronomical. Not that we can even start if I don’t have a regular OB/GYN. Which I don’t until my individual insurance plan kicks in on March 1st. There are forms to be filled out, interviews to be conducted, and maybe, just maybe, vials of bio-dad to be placed in our very own “baby daddy” vault at the cryobank.

Which makes me think going the turkey baster route isn’t such a bad idea. Buy an ovulation kit, pee on a stick, and once it gives the high sign, drive over to our friends’ house, and receive their generous donation. Now don’t go getting all excited there–the two gay boys will produce the necessary stuff and hand it over, whereupon it will be, um, implanted…in my body, which will be waiting in the next room. The boys have volunteered to help out and at first we weren’t sure we wanted to have babies with them. Ultimately, we’d prefer an Asian donor. And one who is anonymous, so as not to deal with legal ickiness. But is that really what’s important here?

My cousin’s friend had a “perfect kid” because she got to choose everything about him. Is that what we’re trying to do? When it all comes down to it, if I can’t have my girlfriend’s baby, does it matter who the father is? Or what the kid’s ethnicity is? It’s going to be half me, wouldn’t I rather the other half be someone known so I know who I blame when my kid sets off firecrackers in the girls locker room or hacks into the Pentagon? I think half Asian, half white kids are cuter, anyway. And most times they end up with pretty good skin and hair. Not to mention those round eyes that are so coveted by most of my family.

Definitely cheaper. Definitely more legal headaches that could happen. This obviously needs more discussion between the 4 of us. Good grief. Talking about it makes me squeamish. Guess I’ll have to get over it if this is what we really want.


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You Are Getting Sleepy…

February 23, 2011 at 8:58 pm (Randomness)

Exhausted. I’ve been working on our downstairs apartment, trying to get it ready for us to move in. Today I finished painting the bathrooms, now I’ve just got to install the casing, door stops, and baseboards and my part will be done. I hope. Next come vanities, mirrors, medicine cabinets, towel bars, and lighting.

Then we’ve got to get the leaky wall fixed, windows replaced, and carpet. AND THEN maybe we can move in. There’s still the kitchen to do, though.

UGH. So much to do, and I’ve no idea when I’m supposed to finish my contract gig (which I’m only supposed to be doing til March 31st).

I’m sure that there is a way to hypnotize myself awake and able to do stuff for more than 5 hours a day.

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What’s Different?

February 15, 2011 at 2:25 pm (Healthy...?) (, , , , , )

I stopped working out in November. I’d worked out consistently, at least 5 times a week, from July til then. I had muscles. Definition. A hint of a waist instead of straight down from my breasts to my hips. I liked the way I was looking. So did my girlfriend. So what happened? I got sick. Not working out became my evening habit instead of turning on the DVD and sweating for an hour. I also stopped writing down my calorie intake and when I didn’t immediately start gaining the weight back I thought it was all good. Fooled myself into believing I could still maintain my weight loss.

HAH! SO NOT! I gained 6 pounds from Thanksgiving to New Year’s. I tried to rationalize it but my scale doesn’t lie. It’s cruel and unyielding and tells me my body fat percentage has been creeping up in the past 6 weeks. Oh how I loathe stepping onto that thing in the morning. I even go so far as to think “skinny” thoughts and expel all my breath before allowing my feet to touch the offending and all-too-damaging-to-my-self-esteem piece of molded plastic. So while the actual weight gain hasn’t been horrendous, I’m losing muscle along with my turn back into a sloth.

And I’m thinking that my journey back to couch potato status has not gone unnoticed by my hormones. I barely had a period last month and this past week, when I should be experiencing things like huge boobs and weird cramps and general moodiness? Maybe some cramps. But not much else. So now I’m worried enough to start writing down my calorie intake and limiting the number of lemon bars making their way past my lips. I’ve been making an effort to eat healthier dinners (I worked last Thursday, Friday & Saturday so I know my diet sucked then. I also went out to dinner with friends Saturday night and didn’t eat well). New leaf, I tell you!

I’ve got to get back into the shape I was in 4 months ago. I bought new pants that I just got back from the tailor. I have nicer clothes than I’ve had in years waiting to be worn but I can’t seem to get my fatty arms into sleeves that fit not so long ago. And my shape was so…intriguing to my girlfriend. Yeah, definitely gotta make some changes around here.

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Dyke-y Hair

February 5, 2011 at 8:28 pm (Randomness) (, , )

It sits just about collar length, layered, no bangs. My friend cut it so that I can make the ends flip/look fringe-y all around my head. It’s not long enough for a ponytail.

I have dyke hair. At least I think I look more like a lesbian this way. The long hair just wasn’t what I wanted anymore. So now comes the fun part – testing to see if other lesbians notice me now. I’m not looking for flirting or being chatted up or anything like that. Just the acknowledging nod. That would make me feel so much better.

What would make me feel even better? Getting to order a suit from here. I need to find a tailor who will make me something custom. I’m sure I could find one around here but whether or not they’d agree to make me a 3 piece suit is another thing entirely. Off to google now…

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