Shooting Myself in the Foot

January 26, 2011 at 6:56 pm (Healthy...?)

I suppose there are times when I’m too honest. I know this. But I also know I can’t stop myself. So, when they called to ask me about my health for the insurance application, I told them the truth: I have allergies. My allergist suggests I not spend that much time outdoors. I have asthma, which is brought on by my allergies and also gets worse when I am sick, but is controlled with medication. I have migraines which are mostly due to hormones but can also be brought on by not enough sleep, wafting perfume, and stress. This all added up to…a level 5 classification (which my insurance broker has NEVER seen before) and a grand total of $2100 monthly for health insurance. Um, thanks but no thanks. So now we begin the process again with another application, this time for some kind of guaranteed coverage.

I’ve got to find a job with benefits. I’d love to get it now, but feel obligated to finish the project (which my girlfriend keeps saying isn’t worth the money, but it’s MONEY and I’m earning it, dammit!) I started in the beginning of January and lasts through the end of March. Lots of driving, good money but I already know I’m going to have to pay a bunch of taxes on it, and I’m not home to take care of things that my girlfriend thinks I should be taking care of. I can’t win.

Bother. I vow to be less…open…about my asthma/allergies/migraines. Yes, I have them. Yes, they’re all easily controlled with medication. No, they’re not really a concern, just there. How’s that?

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It’s Only Because I Don’t Have Insurance

January 21, 2011 at 9:02 pm (Healthy...?, Randomness)

That my tooth hurts (I was supposed to get a filling 2 weeks ago but if I have to pay out of pocket I’ll wait til I get an abscess, I suppose) and I’ve managed to mangle my foot. I’ve been driving a lot for work and the fact that I push down on the pedals with my big toe has contributed to the sharp pain in the joint at the base of my toe. It’s swollen to the point where I can’t put on my tennis shoes. And I have to have some sort of support under my foot (therefore I can’t wear flip flops) in order to walk or drive. I probably aggravated it more when I worked out Wednesday night (so this means I’m not working out til it feels a little better. How’s that for a lame excuse for not exercising?) and when I got out of bed yesterday morning I fell to my knees when I tried to stand up. Oh, the joys of getting older.

Also, there are the joys of googling joint pain and swollen feet. WebMD is a favorite for self-diagnosis, too. I’ve come up with arthritis from overuse of the joint. Or an infection. If it’s the latter I guess I’ll have to go to the ER when gangrene sets in. So thanks, Washington, for passing health reform and then repealing it. Or whatever it is you doofuses (hey, I pay taxes, therefore I’m helping to pay for your insurance, why can’t you let me be insured, too?) are doing over there while I sit here self medicating with a pain pill and a beer. So nice of you to decide that it’s going to cost too much money to pay for coverage for the average American. Reality check, please.

A friend of mine who has insurance through work said he’ll marry me so I’ll have insurance. I’ve offered to fix anything he needs at his house in exchange. Wonder if that’ll really work out. Probably not, since everyone who knows him at his office knows he’s gayer than Liberace. They know his boyfriend, too. Oh well.

 

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New Year Funk

January 19, 2011 at 12:29 am (Navel Gazing, Randomness)

I’ve been kind of…down for the past couple of weeks. I’m tired, grouchy, snippy, and generally not all that fun to be around. And I’m eating like crazy (although I’ve managed to stay away from McDonald’s, thankyouverymuch) so I’m either permanently PMSing or I’m depressed. I was pretty jazzed after the conversation I had with my girlfriend during our drive back to Los Angeles after New Year’s but since then it’s been kind of hard to stay positive and upbeat about this year being the kid year. Insurance is still up in the air. I have no steady job. My girlfriend wants to quit her job. We live in a temporary apartment and moving into our “new” apartment is going to take longer and more money than we thought. There are still roaches in said “new” apartment.

UGH. Roaches.

I have to stop now so I can go shower. Just thinking about roaches makes me want to move out of our building. Too bad I have no money.

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Anti-Social Behavior

January 14, 2011 at 6:08 pm (Randomness, TGF)

So I’ve got this gig working as a contract hire for a company in Texas. Said company has been given the task of replacing the computer desks in a bunch of retail stores. My job is to first look at each backroom/computer desk and determine if they get a new one (every one so far is a “yes”). I’ve spent the last couple of weeks going from store to store, taking pictures and measurements, which is fine but it’s forced me to be…nice and personable with complete strangers. That’s a bit out of my comfort zone. At least I know what I’m doing and our interactions haven’t been more than 5 minutes at a time, tops. But this renders me tired and mute when I get home. Or when talking on the phone with my girlfriend.

We can add to that the 2 guys who’ve been doing some work on the apartment downstairs, both of whom like to talk. Yay. So while they’ve been here, I’ve had to be more social than normal in my own house, so to speak. Again, this makes the time I’m not talking to strangers or bullshitting with the guys tiling my bathrooms my private time to just…be not talking to anyone. Which I’m not sure my girlfriend gets. But on top of all the social-ness of the past 2 weeks, this afternoon my girlfriend asked me to go to a screening of a movie in West Hollywood. Which would have been ok (slightly better) had we still been living in Los Angeles proper, because the drive might not have taken half the night. As it is, though, making that drive from here? Not happening on a Friday night. I know I disappointed her because I didn’t want to go. I know she wants to spend time together but I just couldn’t make myself go. And I know that even if I’d gone out tonight, I would’ve been grumpy and not nice. I’m at my limit of polite and courteous, and who better to take that out on than the woman who loves me? Doesn’t make sense but that’s likely how it would go. So I live with the fact that I disappointed her, even though I really hate that and wish things were different.

Now I’m going to compound the ant-social behavior by changing into my pajamas and curling up with a book. And maybe opening a can of soup for dinner. Happy Friday!

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I Cannot Tell a Lie

January 13, 2011 at 4:56 pm (Healthy...?)

For the most part, that’s true. I’m not good at lying. Combine this with my inability to keep my mouth shut, and it may just render my monthly health insurance payments virtually insurmountable. See, I got this phone call earlier this week from an on staff physician with the health insurance company (the one for which I filled out mountains of paperwork in an application before New Year’s). He wondered if I had time for a medical interview. Sure. Then he proceeded to ask me questions THAT I’D ALREADY ANSWERED ON MY APPLICATION and went further in depth on a few. I ask you, just how is one person supposed to remember the name of the doctor, the exact date of your visit and what may or may not have been prescribed to you when all this took place five years ago?

So now I’m not certain they’ll give me coverage. Because I may have given conflicting information. Because I can’t remember last week, let alone the past 5 years of my medical history. If they don’t deny my, they may make me spend more money than I can afford just to have health coverage. I was already balking at $600 a month. Which is what I paid in monthly rent for my first apartment in Los Angeles.

My girlfriend overheard most of the interview and after I hung up, asked, “why were you so honest?” Um, because I didn’t know that I could lie? And it didn’t occur to me to do so, either. As I pointed out to her, though, there is a real possibility that I’ll end up at the doctor for the things they asked me about in my medical history (the asthma for sure; allergies, probably; and I do get sick on occasion), and to get dumped by my insurance for failing to disclose something would be worse than what might happen because I told the truth, to the best of my ability. I think that would render me completely uninsure-able, as opposed to just most likely uninsure-able.

And why do they call and conduct a phone interview of your medical history if they make you submit the whole thing in writing, anyway? Are they looking for discrepancies so that they can deny you? Ugh. Stress. I hate this.

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No Walking and Chewing Gum

January 9, 2011 at 1:12 am (Baby on the Brain, Randomness) (, , )

I am not a multitasker. I do not possess the skills required to do more than one thing at a time. That does not serve me well when I’m on the computer, on the phone, or driving. My girlfriend knows that I can’t listen to her if I’m working on a project (but she still talks to me anyway). She multitasks with the best of them, so she acknowledges my one-thing-at-a-timeness, but is unable to truly get it.

I can’t even listen to music if I’m trying to read or fill out paperwork. Some people need music or tv to fall asleep, I can only go to sleep if there’s no noise. Hence my need for earplugs (well, my girlfriend snores, too, but that’s another blog post).

This inability makes me worry about when we have kids. I’m never going to be able to get anything done if I have to finish one task before I can start another. At best, I’ll start a whole lot of stuff, get distracted, move onto a whole lot of other stuff, and have a half diapered child waiting to be fed while I’m in another room trying to pay bills or cleaning the microwave.

Another thing that worries me about this potential child? I stress out easily. To compensate I usually need a day all to myself to decompress. Like today–I cleaned the house, did the laundry, did some really anal-retentive things with my contacts list in my Outlook (I accidentally erased all of my contacts a couple of days ago. Talk about stress), and didn’t talk to anyone. All in all, I had a very good day. But I figure I’m not going to get a whole lot of these kinds of days when we have offspring. I don’t know how my mother did it. I mean, she’s one of the most independent, I-like-being-by-myself people I know. Does being a parent make you less selfish? I certainly hope it does for me.

I had a point to this post but I was sidetracked by watering my plants. Then I tripped on the way to the sink and had to clean up the water off the floor. Which led to getting out the mop. And now I’m too tired to do anything but stare at the words I’ve just typed.

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Waiting for Inspiration to Strike

January 7, 2011 at 10:16 pm (Randomness)

But instead I feel as if I’ve been hit by a truck. I started a temporary contract gig and I’ve been driving around for miles and miles. It’s actually kind of fun, I’m seeing parts of Los Angeles that I’ve not seen before. Now that I have, I’ll probably never go back. Still, who knew the terrain was so different in places like Topanga Canyon? The north end of the Valley and Ventura County are vastly different from Los Angeles proper. And even further, culturally speaking, from where we live now. I’ve driven over 500 miles in the past 3 days, over 1,000 miles from December 31-January 3. Is it any wonder I’m about to pass out at 10:15 on a Friday night? It’s either that or do the 4 loads of laundry that are sitting on the floor of our bedroom. Or vacuum. I think maybe I’ll go to bed early and start on it all tomorrow.

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We’re 5 Days In…

January 5, 2011 at 11:01 pm (Baby on the Brain, TGF, Weekend Update) (, , , , , )

2011 so far has been full of changes. But to recap the last week we must go back…to 2010!

I submitted all my paperwork for my new health insurance, that was a pain in the ass. Did I mention that not only does my mother still have a fax machine but she has a scanner, too? Amazing. So after 2 attempts at faxing my application to my insurance person (the faxes weren’t coming out because the font they use for the application is like 8pt. Totally ridiculous) I had to scan the application pages to pdf and send them over via email. Which also took 2 attempts, because scanning them at 300 dpi made the file HUGE. Sigh. Live and learn. I’m learning nothing that takes place in my mother’s house happens quickly, nor does it happen as you wish it would. Every time we attempted to leave the house we were no less than 20 minutes late. We overslept. We had to feed the nephew. We had to wait for someone. We forgot to pack something. Just getting out of the house was a miracle.

December 30th I went to the airport to pick up my partner from the airport. After getting lost, twice, in the stupid airport parking lot (they’ve been remodeling for years and finally finished. And then they moved Southwest out of Terminal A to Terminal B. Or something like that. So I was very confused when I was directed into the “wrong” parking lot) I actually went into the terminal to wait for her plane to arrive. I’ve never been so happy to see somebody! And then I begged her to agree to getting a hotel room for New Year’s Eve because there’s only so much family I can take and I was over my limit. Luckily, she agreed and we got a fabulous little hotel room a few miles from my parents’ house.

New Year’s day was never ending food. I think I was shoveling food into my mouth from 2pm til around 10pm. My waistline increased dramatically the week I was home. I have no willpower, and my mother has a full pantry.

We decided to come home a day early so that we would have a day to relax before returning to the grind of everyday living. My brother told us that the grapevine (that part of I5 that goes through the mountains that separate Los Angeles from the Central Valley) was closed due to snow and we’d better take Highway 101. That drive is at least an hour longer than I5. Oh well. My girlfriend and I talked most of the way home about things we need to get done in the next few months, my lack of insurance and how that affects our baby timeline, and we finally had some serious discussion about babymaking. So far, I’ve done most of the research into the various sperm banks and their donor lists (still only have 1 or 2 choices if we’re really going for someone who’s Taiwanese or Japanese), as well as what steps need to be taken before I even come in contact with those little swimmers. First and foremost, I’m back on my diet. Then there’s finding another OB/GYN because my old one will be out of network if I do get accepted by Blue Cross. There’s much paperwork to be filled out and we will have to legally become domestic partners. With a pre-nup. We have to start the adoption process or at least find out how and where to start so that the baby can be on her insurance.

Oh, and then there’s the baby’s last name. I want our child to have both our last names. But do we hyphenate? I’ve got a rather long last name (9 letters) and her’s is shorter (4 letters). A 13 letter last name seems cruel if our child has a first name that’s more than 1 syllable and a Japanese middle name. So do we somehow shorten our names into one name? We came up with some seriously awful ones that made us laugh. Then we decided that our child, while he or she will be a source of amusement, joy, and laughter, doing something like naming him or her purely for our own entertainment is just not right. Ok, back to the drawing board. I’m sure we’ll have much more discussion about names in the future.

It is here that I must point out that in our less than 6 hour drive, my girlfriend had to pee 3 times. 30 minutes into our drive she was asking to find a place to stop for a potty break. Overactive kidneys she has, I’m sure of it. Nobody should have to pee every 20 minutes. I fully expect to eat these words when I have a baby’s knee in my bladder…

We made it home safe and sound with Christmas presents that we were not expecting now sitting on a bookshelf, waiting to be used and/or put away. There are chores to be done, my house was not clean and tidy when the new year came around and I’m convinced that I’ve cursed myself into this chaos for the rest of the year. My girlfriend offered to hire someone to come in and help clean, but I’m not sure I want anyone in my house, seeing the utter destruction that is our living room.  Again, I will probably rethink what I just said when I’m 7 months pregnant, can’t see my feet, and I’m trying to clean the toilet.

I wonder if it’s bad juju to talk about being pregnant? I mean I’ve not even started the whole process. Maybe I’m jinxing myself? Maybe I should just end this here and get some sleep. I’ve another post to write, though I expect I won’t get to that til later this week.

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