Me and My Big Mouth

December 2, 2010 at 12:36 pm (Baby on the Brain, Healthy...?) (, , , , )

Tuesday night at rehearsal one of my friends asked if I was pregnant yet. Um, no, but thanks for asking! I need to be more circumspect in who I tell what and try to remember to keep my mouth shut. It’s not that I don’t want people to know. It’s just that there’s now this level of expectation, this pressure, because some people know that we want to have a baby. I’m sure my friend will be nothing but supportive with regard to our attempts, she and her ex went through a lot to conceive their daughter. But I don’t know if I’m ready to go through the whole process with my girlfriend, let alone our other friends.

I’m superstitious, too. So I don’t think I’ll tell anyone even if I do get pregnant, for the first, oh, 12-16 weeks or so. Ok, I might tell my parents. And my best friends. Oh, god, am I going to be able to keep this a secret? And what if something happens? I don’t think I could deal with telling people if I miscarry or something happens with the pregnancy.

So much to do if we want to start insemination in March or April. I’d still like to lose another 15 pounds, I’ve got to get my OB/GYN to fill out some paperwork, we need to find a donor, for chrissakes! I’d like to have more than one choice. Weigh our options. But that’s not looking so good right now. We’re convinced that we want an anonymous donor. I don’t think I could ask any of my guy friends to donate, nor do I think family members would be appropriate, given my/our medical histories. Here’s a perfect chance to have a baby who will hopefully start out life with only 1/2 the hereditary garbage–from my family he/she’d get heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, cancer, you name it, someone’s got it or had it in my family.

In other news, I went to my doctor yesterday, and I’ve lost 23 pounds since I last saw him 19 months ago. Of course, I had mono then and was still in school and eating like crap. We discussed my allergies and asthma and he’s putting me on another medication that will hopefully get rid of the wheezing and get my breathing back to normal. I also got a flu shot which hurts like a motherfucker right now, it’s swollen and tender and my whole arm is uncomfortable. The shot could also explain this horrible headache. Anyway, I’m also supposed to fill prescriptions for an antibiotic and go back on a low dose of a beta blocker to try and minimize my migraines.

This whole “taking better care of myself” is hard work.

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