I Can’t Wait for an Actual Baby in Our House

November 8, 2010 at 7:55 pm (TGF) (, , )

The one that’s here now? She’s going to be 34 in 2 weeks. Yes, I’m talking about my girlfriend. She woke up with a sore throat this morning and hasn’t stopped whining yet. Yes, she blames me completely because I had a sore throat last week, and (don’t tell her this) I’m pretty sure she’s right. Now, I’m not expecting that she’ll be her normal, sweet, caring self when she’s not feeling well, I know I’m no angel when I’m  not feeling well, but come on! “My throat hurts. It’s all your fault. I don’t feel good. I feel yucky.” Ten minutes later, the same 4 sentences. Repeat for 12 hours.

And don’t expect her to do anything–she started the dishwasher this morning but was apparently looking for some plastic container. An hour later she asked where the plastic container was. Um, in the recycle bin? “I’ve been looking for it for hours.” I suppose I should think about improving my mind reading skills. I also need a refresher course on patience and empathy. But when I asked for 3 hours, “Do you want me to go get you some dayquil?” and I got no response except for the occasional “I don’t feel good.” I wanted to scream.  I couldn’t even get mad at her for forgetting to flush the toilet. Really? You don’t feel well so you forget seemingly automatic things like flushing? Tearing my hair out seemed my only option. Instead, I made her the only food she’ll eat when she’s not feeling well: ramen with an egg.

So 2 hours ago, I asked again, “do you want dayquil?” She asked, “Will that make me feel better? Can you get me some sore throat-stopping stuff?”

Ugh. I love you, quit being such a baby.

I ventured to CVS, returned with her meds and cough drops, fed them to her (complete with, “Sit up, you can’t drink water lying down.”), emptied the dishwasher, did the other dishes, cleaned the toaster oven, made her tea. Now I’m letting her listen to This American Life and watch tv and I’m not even yelling at her to turn it down. Even though I can’t think. I think I’m going to bed early. After I’ve fed her more dayquil and tea.

What are we going to do when there’s a real live, screaming, crying BABY in our house? Do we both have to become adults? Can we take turns? I’m pretty sure that neither of us are going to be feeling 100% when the kid gets here. I think I’m going to make a sign: SUCK IT UP. Probably more than one. How about one for every room?

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