Every Once In A While

October 15, 2010 at 11:43 pm (Baby on the Brain) (, , )

I send freak out emails to one of my best friends. Because she lives 6000 miles away but I’ve known her for over 20 years. I shouldn’t send them, I hate it when my dad does that to me (we call them email bombs, he figures if he can’t say things out loud, well then, he’s just going to say them in an email), but I can’t seem to help myself.

Subject: i think i’m gonna have a nervous breakdown

because i’ve got some sort of horrific baby on the brain thing going on over here.

i’m hormonal. that’s for damn sure. i’m reading blogs about lesbians having babies. about how there are no maternity clothes for butch (ok, i’m not really totally butch but i do prefer mens’ clothing over womens’ and oh shit, where does that apostrophe go?) dykes and i’m going to have to resort to floral patterns and ruffles. god help me.

did i mention the sperm donor catalogs? so far, i have ONE choice if i want a taiwanese donor, maybe 4 if i want a japanese donor.

babies. me. stupid ticking clock is getting louder in here.

and how is everything over there?

And then, two days later:

Subject:  I’m over freaking out now

really, i am. fucking hormones.

anyway, don’t know what i’m going to do about the baby thing. ugh. me? baby? frustrating that my brain’s suddenly become this minefield of previously unheard of needs and i can’t do anything about it. except drop stupid emails on unsuspecting friends. yay me.

i promise to keep them to a minimum.

Most of the time I feel like a basket case. I think I want a baby. I think I want to be pregnant. There’s never a “good” time to have one, I guess. With my girlfriend’s schedule as hectic as it is, it’s never really a good time to even talk about this stuff. I want to make that appointment to see if I’m even able to get pregnant. Does insurance cover this? No, of course not. Am I even sure she wants to have kids with me? Pretty sure. I know she wants to have her own biological child but does she want mine? I hate feeling like I’m running out of time.

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1 Comment

  1. Kat6000 said,

    Dude. Don’t be a dork. Send me more freak-out e-mails. I live for freak-out e-mail. The entire point of being friends with someone for 20+ years is to send and receive crazed messages at all hours. Particularly when you both hate the phone. And one of you lives in a freaking foreign country.

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